Some Walks You Have To Take Alone

I remember once when I was 16 or 17 I was hanging out at my house with a friend. We were in my room listening to The Cure on vinyl, EMO’ing out. My parents had been divorced for like a year, and my mom and I were living in a house in North County with her boyfriend who is now my step dad. My mom came home from work with groceries, and I came out of my room to help her put them away. She was crying. Putting away the groceries just crying. She was probably about the age I am now. I didn’t understand what she could possibly be crying about, there was nothing wrong. She told me to leave her alone, so I did.

Now I get it. Sometimes life gets to you. People say mean things to you. And you cry. Alone. While you are driving, or running, or in the shower, or putting away the groceries.

I am a bit more thinky than my mom. I have a tendency to romanticize, over analyze, and turn everything into some kind of meaningful symbolic interaction. This is a direct result of having a genius for a father. {I should note, I have not spoken to my father in over 10 years. While he is a genius, he lacks skills in the more sensitive parts of life}. My tendencies to over think can take me down some dark rabbit holes sometimes. But, sometimes it helps me to grow and move forward in my life.

Things I have learned from cries:

~ Even people you love say mean things sometimes. Get over it.
~ Standing up for yourself is important. If you don’t do it, you will be very unhappy.
~ Who cares if people like what you have to say.
~ Expressing myself is what makes me me. Too bad if it makes others uncomfortable, that’s their problem.
~ I am very sensitive, much more than I would like to admit. So what. I don’t want to be any other way.